There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
