I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you inspire me to be a worse person
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
