I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
