I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
