I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
