He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
