Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there's paper in my vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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