Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
