You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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