You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
