i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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