I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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