Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
