my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am mentally ready for anal.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize