Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
