I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
