would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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