Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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