You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
