i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
