so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
