Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
