Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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