Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
