he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
