i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
