So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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