My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
