I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
