the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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