Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
