What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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