Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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