He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
