Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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