If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
