you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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