She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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