some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
