Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
