I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
