Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
