Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
