That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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