Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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