that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
