Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
