I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Houston, we have a squirter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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