He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
