I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
