i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
