it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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