I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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