he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
