nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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