Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
