I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
