Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
