btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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