I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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