Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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