dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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