I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
