Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
