Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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