K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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