White coat. Heels.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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