im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
being pregnant is like rehab
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
