Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
