im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
