i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
