Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
