i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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