I just saw a hot homeless man
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
