PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
